A Quick Summary
Belonging: How Social Connection Can Heal, Empower, and Educate Kids
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Convergence
Entering middle school Oscar was a good student. He had a lot of energy, was highly social, and got bored easily in class, so he could be a handful. But, overall his teachers liked him and he did well enough. In middle school, he found something he loved, football. In football, his energy and athleticism were unleashed. He had immediate success. Becoming a football player also made Oscar a part of a team and a leader. This changed how Oscar saw himself. As he realized he could excel at something, that his community praised and admired him for doing, his behaviors changed. As his family and coaches planted the idea of a college scholarship, Oscar began focusing more in school.
By high school he was a good student, his behavior was no longer a problem, and he had a bright future. He continued to excel on the football field and maintained his focus in class. In his sophomore year, he took a computer science class, which opened up a whole new world to Oscar. He enjoyed video games but learning to understand computers captured his imagination, and he continued to take coding and computer science class for the remained of his high school career. He did earn that college scholarship for football, eventually enrolling at the nearby college. There he continued to thrive, showing his talents and representing his community. By this time, he also had become good at computer science and understood the potential he had there as well. So, he majored in electrical engineering. The internet and information technology networks were taking off, so he was well suited to thrive in that arena as well. By the time he graduated, he was an impressive 260-pound All-American linebacker with a degree in electrical engineering. Ultimately, he chose to pursue a career in information systems, and in time he began managing information systems for fire departments. As he continued to excel, he went on to become the first Black fire chief in Oregon.
Oscar shows us the transformative power of belonging can have. Once he found belonging in a group, he began changing how he saw himself, enabling him to see a brighter future for himself and his family. He began taking action toward that future, which changed how he perceived school and led him to fall in love with computer sciences. In inclusive communities, students understand where they fit and what they have to contribute. As they engage with their group new talents emerge, allowing the engaged student to further expand their identity. Oscar was able to see himself fitting into two widely different arenas, athletics, and computer science.
Our brain’s default focus is on survival, as a result, our amygdala is on constant alert for threats in the environment. This primitive survival brain is focused on self-protection, when activated it relies on behaviors such as impression management to avoid the pain of rejection, not making mistakes and a primary concern for what others think. In contrast, the goal of the school is to access high-order thinking skills associated with executive functioning, our creative brain. However, survival trumps curiosity, so we cannot consistently access these high-order thinking skills until we convince our lizard brain that we are safe.
Imagine if you were asked to do something you are not good at and don't like to do in front of 30 of your peers and your supervisor. What questions might drive your willingness to engage in the challenging task? For many, they first want to know “Am I safe?”, “Do I belong?”, “Am I going to be laughed at and rejected if I screw up?”. Then, “What is the point of doing this hard thing?”, “Why should I try?”, “Does this task matter to me?”. Finally, “Will my efforts make a difference?”, “Is there something I can do to change the outcome?”, “Am I capable of doing what it takes to succeed?”. If students can answer “yes” to these three types of questions, they're likely going to give their best effort, engage, and utilize higher-order thinking skills. When they feel a sense of belonging, agency, and meaning, they interpret challenging tasks as opportunities rather than threats. In this state, students will be more likely to interpret challenging assignments as opportunities to show their skills, represent their community, accomplish something important, or learn something new. If students answer “no” to one or more of these questions, they are likely going to focus more on self-protection, and engaging in impression management behaviors. In this state, challenging tasks will likely be interpreted as threats, causing students to worry about being laughed at, not being smart enough, or wondering what is the point.
The Engagement Equation summarizes the three types of questions our brain asks when it is confronted with a challenge. This formula is best remembered as BAM. BAM stands for Belonging, Agency, and Meaning.
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“It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business.”
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